Brad Wiegmann is a national security lawyer for the Department of Justice in Washington.
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Q: So Brad, tell us about today's puzzle.
A: Well, it's full of dangerous animals in various states of conflict — poking and shooting and whatnot. Then in the center it has "LAMBS" — one of the LEAST dangerous animals, but with no conflict — since no one would ever fight a cute little lamb!
Q: What's the point?
A: Because there's no verb with LAMBS, it's kind of silent. So it's like "Silence of the Lambs" — get it? That's the theme!
Q: I'm not getting that at all from the clues.
A: Yeah, it's a hard one I know. I'm kind of surprised the Times decided to run it on a Monday.
Q: Also, while shark, bear and bull are dangerous animals, a bird isn't.
A: It can be. My daughter is deathly afraid of chickens, for example. She panics if she sees one. She has nightmares about poultry. So she joined this great support group called "Flip the Bird." That was actually the inspiration for this puzzle — to support her and her peers.
Q: OK but four animal phrases seems pretty meh.
A: Well, I would have liked also to use WAG THE DOG, but I figured that would just be a distraction.
Q: Terrible.
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Q: So Brad, how would you describe today's puzzle?
A: It's just very unfortunate.
Q: I know, right? I was so disappointed not to get my regular awesome themeless Friday today. Do you have any comment for people like me who are feeling a little let down or even annoyed by your work?
A: I dunno ... tough luck?
Q: And then there's the "rorqual" issue. C'mon — who's ever heard of a rorqual? Some kind of obscure whale?
A: Yeah. Didn't you ever tell rorqual jokes when you were a kid?
Q: What?
A: You know, like, "did you hear about the guy who hired a rorqual as his mechanic?"
Q: No.
A: His car was a whale-oiled machine.
Q: No. Just no.
A: Or the rorqual who had a lot of hopes and dreams? . . . He was a wishing whale.
Q: OK. That's a wrap.
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Q: So Brad, tell me, is this puzzle autobiographical in any way?
A: Do you mean, like, did I ever do jello shots on Marine One with Katie Couric and Orson Bean? No, but it sounds like fun.
Q: No, I mean the whole dating thing. I'm assuming, just based on your personality, you've been in a lot of failed relationships.
A: I wouldn't say a lot. I did date a ski racer briefly, but she went downhill fast. Then there was this cute limbo dancer. I really liked her.
Q: What happened there?
A: She went belly up.
Q: Kind of like your puzzle. A flop.
A: Art imitates life I guess. Or is it life imitates art? I forget.
Q: Honestly, I really wish you'd do something more creative with your puzzles, like the Times usually does. Shakespeare quotes that contain anagrams of breakfast cereals, a connect-the-dots picture of Gandhi — anything? C'mon man.
A: Well, I did have "PEP" in this one. Upper right corner. It's a palindrome — the same spelled forwards AND backwards. Pretty cool.
Q: And you have "KETONE" at 42 across. What the heck is that?
A: Not sure. But it did fit quite nicely there.
Q: [Sigh]
A: What about you — how's your love life going?
Q: If you must know, I had been dating this Marxist professor. Kind, intelligent, funny — and totally hot. But I just broke up with him.
A: Why?
Q: He just wasn't right.
A: Maybe it's for the best.
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Q: So Brad, tell us about your latest puzzle. Why the childbirth theme?
A: Well, I just love babies. They're such great people — so down-to-earth and thoughtful. So I figured, why not a puzzle honoring all the infants out there who work so selflessly to enrich their parents' lives.
Q: But isn't this a Mother's Day puzzle?
A: I guess you could see it that way, since the Times changed the title from "Labor Day Concert" to "Mother's Day Concert." And that's fine. But to me, I believe the children are our future, as Whitney Houston taught us.
Q: You dedicated the puzzle to your mom though.
A: Yes, I did. Hi Mom! If you're reading this, you still owe me fifty bucks.
Q: Let's shift gears. How did you pick the songs for this puzzle?
A: That was tough. There are so many great songs about childbirth. "Stand and Deliver" by Adam Ant. "Baby Got Back" by Sir Mix-a-Lot. And more recently, "Despacito," which I understand means "obstetrician" in Spanish.
Q: Any regrets about doing a crossword that makes light of the hardships of pregnancy and labor?
A: There is one song/clue I kind of regret not including: "Greeting to expectant Mom who just bought some new maternity clothes? [Peggy Lee 1966]"
Q: I'm afraid to ask. . . . OK, what's the answer?
A: "Hey Big Spender."
Q: I think it's best you left that one out.
Thanks to Carol and Theresa, my favorite moms!
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Q: So Brad, tell me, how long have you been obsessed with nudity?
A: Thanks for that question. I'm actually more prude than nudist. I keep my clothes on at all times. Even in the shower.
Q: Interesting. So why the puzzle au naturel then?
A: It was an act of desperation. I wasn't having much luck getting published. After a bazillion submissions, I thought: so many great artists throughout history featured naked people in their work. If Michelangelo could get the Sistine Chapel gig by painting a lot of nudes, maybe I could do the same in the New York Times crossword. It worked!
Q: With all due respect, Brad, you're no Michelangelo. Your naked jokes are lame, and your fill isn't colorful.
A: Well, I do have RAINBOW at 51-Down. So there's that.
Q: The one thing I loved about your puzzle was the title: "Crossword Buff." Clever!
A: Yeah, that was from the Times' staff. My original title was "Altogether Now."
Q: I don't get it.
A: Exactly.
Q: I have to be honest. The contrast between your puzzle and the amazing stuff the Times usually publishes is pretty stark.
A: Oh, I get it — stark! Like stark naked. Good one! You mean my puzzle is em-bare-ass-ing?
Q: Awful. This interview's over.
A: Why? You gotta take off? Get it? Take off?
Q: [Sigh]
Thanks to Kim and Steve for doing my puzzles!