New York Times, Tuesday, January 26, 2021

The complete list of legal-but-impossible-to-play Scrabble words is as follows:

• CLASSLESSNESSES
• KNICKKNACK
• KNICKKNACKS
• PIZZAZZ
• PIZZAZZES
• PIZZAZZY
• POSSESSEDNESSES
• RAZZAMATAZZ
• RAZZAMATAZZES
• RAZZMATAZZ
• RAZZMATAZZES
• SENSELESSNESSES
• STRESSLESSNESS

Words requiring both blanks include these:

• RIFFRAFF
• WHIPPERSNAPPER
• MAMMOGRAM
• CONCUPISCENCE
• CHOCKABLOCK
• CRACKERJACK (requires both C's, the J, the K, and both blanks)
• ZIGZAGGING (requires the Z, all three G's, and both blanks)

My favorite, though, has to be CHINCHERINCHEES (white-flowered South African lilies), which requires both C's, both H's, and both blanks. Since it's 15-letters long, there are only 30 places it can go on the board (spanning any row or column), but it can be played only if at least eight of the letters from it are already on the board in the right places.

The last time I played Scrabble, I nearly got my girlfriend (now wife) to break up with me. She's roughly eighty-nine times more learned than me, so the only thing I could do to keep in the game was to play defensively, blocking off all possible ways she could form words. Hey, sometimes you have to play for the close loss instead of risking the blowout! It's just plain smart.

Hey, where are you going? Ah. Anywhere away from me. Got it.

I'm not the target audience of this puzzle, so my confusion might be oversized. After reading the clue for SCRABBLE five times, I still didn't understand it. "… are legal plays but cannot be formed …" What is this, a legal contract? It read like this to me: [According to clause six, section seven a, the aforementioned letters form the play, but not unto the form of the aforementioned word in play of letters …]

It means that these are all recognized words in the official Scrabble dictionary, but they can't be formed on the board. That's an interesting piece of trivia.

Speaking of trivia, don't put me on your "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?" call list. I thought I knew finance like the back of my hand, but apparently there are some moles I never saw. Glass-STEAGALL legislation?

Hold on, let me look that up while I eat my POTTAGES.

As a SCRABBLE player only in a cornerback sense, I might have enjoyed this more if the clues had pointed out why each play was impossible, like Peter did above. PIZZAZZY (do people say this?), you can only use three Zs (one Z tile plus two blanks). KNICKKNACK, same issue with the four Ks. STRESSLESSNESS, same issue with the seven Ss (only four S tiles plus two blanks).

Now, who wants to play? What, you think my defensive style shows no class? I'll show you classlessnesses! Or maybe not, since I can't legally form it.

Peter Gordon is one of my favorite constructors and, as usual, I liked this one more than Jeff did. Chacun à son goût, and all that.

Mr. Gordon famously based this 2001 puzzle on Scrabble scores.